i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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