is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
