if you like me you must not know who I am
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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