im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Houston, we have a squirter
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
