hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
