She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
