so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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