I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
