Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
