i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
