My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
