Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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