just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
