I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
