Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
