just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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