I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
