sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
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