drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
