i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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