Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We named our party play list daddy issues
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
