Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
