I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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