I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
