yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
