I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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