WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
