Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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