please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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