I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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