I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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