Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
