I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
