i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
