just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
