so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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