i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
