I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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