i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
