He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
