Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
