Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Two words: nipple clamps
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