I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I deserve this hangover.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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