I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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