im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Randomize
