I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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