the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
