Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
