I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
