you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
