Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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