I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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