I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Randomize