It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
