shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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