She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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