the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
This house was built for laser tag.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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