grandma shit on top of the toilet
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
