please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
