He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
